It's been a good while since I last posted a piece of my writing. This is called Autumn Leaves and it's very much inspired by Leslie Odom Jr.'s song and video. I originally wrote this using Leslie and his wife, Nicolette Robinson, but that was weird so I changed the character's names and I changed Tony to Grammy.
Words: 1904
"I just need some space." Turning her back to him, she began to walk away.
"I love you, Vi." She couldn't see his pained expression, but she heard his tone. She would have responded, but she needed to get away. She needed to clear her head. There was too much that happening and it was all happening too fast. She couldn't keep up anymore. Lucius put his head in his hands, trying to remember how they got there in the first place.
Everything seemed perfect, but not for long.
Violet sat in the club, watching Lucius perform, as she always did. She knew he enjoyed performing and she supported him, no matter what. Lucius' favorite thing was performing and he sometimes put performing before everything else in his life. Including his marriage. He claimed Violet kept him grounded, but after his Grammy win, Lucius was soaring high above the skyscrapers of New York City. They started growing apart. He spent less time with his wife and more time with fans and doing sound checks or rehearsing. Lucius was no longer the man Violet fall in love with and married. She wanted to believe he loved her, but his actions didn't show it. She was pushed to the side all the time and it was starting to bother her.
Halfway through the performance, Violet got up and left the venue to get some air. She wanted to support him because she did love him. No matter what, she loved him. But she just needed air. Standing outside, she allowed her thoughts to consume her. She missed how affectionate he once was. She caved it. Not that she was going to look for it elsewhere. She could not cheat. Not on Lucius. He was the love of her life. Or at least that's what she was telling herself.
She took a deep breath and walked back into the venue. Lucius was finishing up his set. She wasn't sure if he noticed that she stepped out or not. The audience was mesmerized by his voice and when the song ended, the applauded.
"Thank you. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been given thanks to your support on the album. Sometime in November, I will be releasing a Christmas album, just in time for the holidays. I wouldn't have been able to get any of it done without your love and support, so thank you. Have a good night."
Lucius walked off stage to the backstage area, which was just a small hallway to the left of the stage with two small dressing rooms. Violet wasn't sure if she wanted to join him or not. Would he even notice if she was back there?
Soon enough, after a few moments, Lucius was back out talking to fans, taking pictures and signing autographs. Violet sighed and sipped her drink. A Sprite. She didn't like drinking at Lucius' performances, but tonight, she wished she had. Tonight was the night she was planning to confront him and be honest. She was going to pour out her feelings to him.
"Hey, Vi." He approached her.
"Hey. Great show tonight." She put on her everything is fine smile, but he knew it wasn't real.
"Is everything okay? I saw you step out for a while."
"Uh- I wasn't feeling well, but we can talk about it later."
"Are you sure?" He asked. She nodded. "Alright. I promise we won't be here long tonight."
"It's fine. Go talk to your fans."
"Okay." He kissed her head and walked away.
"Show them how much you appreciate them. More than your wife." It was barely over a whisper. Violet wasn't going to lie, she was jealous of how much attention he gave his fans. Sure they were important because they got him where he is, but he shouldn't prioritize them before the women he promised to love for the rest of his life.
____________________
Lucius had socialized for two hours be realizing it was getting late. He walked to Violet who had silently watched him for the whole two hours.
"Ready to go?"
"Yup."
"I was thinking that tomorrow, we could go watch the sunset at Central Park." He explained, making Violet smile. That's what that used to do when they first started dating before their careers picked up and made them too busy.
"I'd like that."
"Good because I wasn't going to let you decline." He laughed. "Let's get out of here."
"Okay." They walked out of the venue, into the New York City lights.
"Let's walk home and enjoy the hustle and bustle of the city for once."
"You're not exhausted?" Violet asked.
"No. Are you?" He wrapped his arms around her.
"No. At least not right now." She sighed. It felt normal for once, but she didn't know how long it would last. They were at the street corner, waiting for the light when she looked at him and asked, "Can we talk?"
"Of course. What would you like to talk about?" He asked.
"I want to talk about us."
"Oh? Okay." He laughed.
"Come on. I'm serious. You- you've been acting weird."
"What do you mean? How have I been acting weird?" Lucius looked at his wife, questioning her.
"I-" Violet took a deep breath. They were in the Lincoln Center Plaza now. She sat on the edge of the fountain. "Lucius, you've been acting differently."
"How so?"
"You've changed. Since you won that Grammy you started putting everything before me. Fans, your music, your career. You don't treat me like your wife anymore. I'm just another cheerleader on the sidelines."
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"You don't see it." She stood up and walked away from him.
"Hey!" He followed her towards the opera house. "Talk to me. We can fix this."
"If you don't see what wrong, how can we fix it? There is no fixing it if you can't see what's wrong."
"I'm sorry." He grabbed her hand. "Look at me." She didn't. "Please just tell me what's wrong." She looked at him and shook his head.
"I just- it feels like you don't care about me anymore, Lucius. It's like I'm just here for convenience. Someone to cheer you on no matter what. Someone to keep the bed warm. I give and I give, but I don't get anything in return.
"I'm sorry, Vi. I-"
"When was the last time you came home after a late night at the studio and kissed me? Do you remember the last time you actually looked at me? Because lately, you've been looking through me. Like I'm not here."
"Vi, I- I don't know what to say."
"Exactly." Violet shook her head and laughed. "It's sad that I'm your wife, yet I get jealous of your fans. You hug them. Kiss their cheeks for a picture, but you won't even show your wife half of that affection. I'm your wife, Lucius. Your wife!"
"I know. You are my wife, but-"
"No. There shouldn't be any buts!" She pulled her hand from his grip and walked towards W 65th Street. Lucius watched her for a few seconds before following her. He didn't even understand why she was so angry.
"Vi! Violet." She had begun walking down the stairs beside Geffen Hall. "Come on! Let's talk." He tried to stop her.
"I don't want to talk anymore. I changed my mind."
"Come on, Vi." He pleaded, grabbing her hands in his, but she pulled away. "I'm sorry, Violet. I am, but I don't know what you want from me."
"I don't know!" She seemed to get more frustrated as she continued to descend the steps. She stopped and turned to look at him. "Things- they're just not working for us anymore." She took a deep breath. "I'm so annoyed I don't even know how to express how I feel anymore."
"I- I didn't even know you were having a hard time. Why didn't you say something sooner?" He asked.
"Because you've been pushing me to the side. You've been taking advantage of the fact that I'm always by your side no matter what. But I can't do it anymore. I know it makes me sound selfish, but I just want you to notice me. But you don't." She leaned on the concrete wall.
"What do you want me to do? How do I make things right?" He asked.
"I don't know. Stop putting everything before me. When we got married, we agreed to do this together, but I feel like I'm going through life alone."
"I'm sorry, Vi."
"The worst part is if I didn't bring it up tonight, you'd never realize. You didn't even know what you were doing. You've been too busy with your career." He stepped in front of her and grabbed her hands.
"No." She pulled away from him. "I just- I need you."
"You have me."
"I mean more than you being around. I need you emotionally. You're not here. I don't think you understand that." She looked at him. He backed away from her and took a deep breath.
"So what? You want me to put my career on hold for you? Is that what you want?"
"No. That is now what I want."
"Then what, Vi? What do you want from me? Tell me what I can do.'
"I don't know! There has been so much on my mind. I just- I think we need to take some time apart from each other."
"Like a separation?" Lucius looked at her.
"Yes. I think that's what's best for us right now."
"So what now?" Lucius asked, sitting on the concrete stairs. He looked up at Violet. "Now you're just going to leave and pretend the last four years never happened?"
"I just need some space." Turning her back to him, she began to walk away.
"I love you, Vi." She couldn't see his pained expression, but she heard his tone. She would have responded, but she needed to get away. She needed to clear her head. There was too much that happening and it was all happening too fast. She couldn't keep up anymore. She would spend the next few weeks with her best friend, Lena. And Lucius would continue performing, but it wouldn't be the same without her in the audience.
Words: 1904
"The falling leaves
Drift by my window
The autumn leaves
Of red and gold"
"So what now?" Lucius asked, sitting on the concrete stairs. He looked up at Violet. "Now you're just going to leave and pretend the last four years never happened?"'"I just need some space." Turning her back to him, she began to walk away.
"I love you, Vi." She couldn't see his pained expression, but she heard his tone. She would have responded, but she needed to get away. She needed to clear her head. There was too much that happening and it was all happening too fast. She couldn't keep up anymore. Lucius put his head in his hands, trying to remember how they got there in the first place.
"I see your lips
The summer kisses,
The sunburned hands,
I used to hold"
No matter how many times Violet heard Lucius perform the same songs, she loved it. She loved listening to him sing. Every once in a while during a performance, he would shoot her a smile or a wink. At every performance, Lucius would thank his wife for being his biggest supporter, inspiration and for keeping him grounded. And no matter where she was seated, whether he could see her or not, she would blow him a kiss. On occasion, he would pretend to catch itEverything seemed perfect, but not for long.
Violet sat in the club, watching Lucius perform, as she always did. She knew he enjoyed performing and she supported him, no matter what. Lucius' favorite thing was performing and he sometimes put performing before everything else in his life. Including his marriage. He claimed Violet kept him grounded, but after his Grammy win, Lucius was soaring high above the skyscrapers of New York City. They started growing apart. He spent less time with his wife and more time with fans and doing sound checks or rehearsing. Lucius was no longer the man Violet fall in love with and married. She wanted to believe he loved her, but his actions didn't show it. She was pushed to the side all the time and it was starting to bother her.
Halfway through the performance, Violet got up and left the venue to get some air. She wanted to support him because she did love him. No matter what, she loved him. But she just needed air. Standing outside, she allowed her thoughts to consume her. She missed how affectionate he once was. She caved it. Not that she was going to look for it elsewhere. She could not cheat. Not on Lucius. He was the love of her life. Or at least that's what she was telling herself.
She took a deep breath and walked back into the venue. Lucius was finishing up his set. She wasn't sure if he noticed that she stepped out or not. The audience was mesmerized by his voice and when the song ended, the applauded.
"Thank you. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been given thanks to your support on the album. Sometime in November, I will be releasing a Christmas album, just in time for the holidays. I wouldn't have been able to get any of it done without your love and support, so thank you. Have a good night."
Lucius walked off stage to the backstage area, which was just a small hallway to the left of the stage with two small dressing rooms. Violet wasn't sure if she wanted to join him or not. Would he even notice if she was back there?
Soon enough, after a few moments, Lucius was back out talking to fans, taking pictures and signing autographs. Violet sighed and sipped her drink. A Sprite. She didn't like drinking at Lucius' performances, but tonight, she wished she had. Tonight was the night she was planning to confront him and be honest. She was going to pour out her feelings to him.
"Hey, Vi." He approached her.
"Hey. Great show tonight." She put on her everything is fine smile, but he knew it wasn't real.
"Is everything okay? I saw you step out for a while."
"Uh- I wasn't feeling well, but we can talk about it later."
"Are you sure?" He asked. She nodded. "Alright. I promise we won't be here long tonight."
"It's fine. Go talk to your fans."
"Okay." He kissed her head and walked away.
"Show them how much you appreciate them. More than your wife." It was barely over a whisper. Violet wasn't going to lie, she was jealous of how much attention he gave his fans. Sure they were important because they got him where he is, but he shouldn't prioritize them before the women he promised to love for the rest of his life.
____________________
Lucius had socialized for two hours be realizing it was getting late. He walked to Violet who had silently watched him for the whole two hours.
"Ready to go?"
"Yup."
"I was thinking that tomorrow, we could go watch the sunset at Central Park." He explained, making Violet smile. That's what that used to do when they first started dating before their careers picked up and made them too busy.
"I'd like that."
"Good because I wasn't going to let you decline." He laughed. "Let's get out of here."
"Okay." They walked out of the venue, into the New York City lights.
"Let's walk home and enjoy the hustle and bustle of the city for once."
"You're not exhausted?" Violet asked.
"No. Are you?" He wrapped his arms around her.
"No. At least not right now." She sighed. It felt normal for once, but she didn't know how long it would last. They were at the street corner, waiting for the light when she looked at him and asked, "Can we talk?"
"Of course. What would you like to talk about?" He asked.
"I want to talk about us."
"Oh? Okay." He laughed.
"Come on. I'm serious. You- you've been acting weird."
"What do you mean? How have I been acting weird?" Lucius looked at his wife, questioning her.
"I-" Violet took a deep breath. They were in the Lincoln Center Plaza now. She sat on the edge of the fountain. "Lucius, you've been acting differently."
"How so?"
"You've changed. Since you won that Grammy you started putting everything before me. Fans, your music, your career. You don't treat me like your wife anymore. I'm just another cheerleader on the sidelines."
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"You don't see it." She stood up and walked away from him.
"Hey!" He followed her towards the opera house. "Talk to me. We can fix this."
"If you don't see what wrong, how can we fix it? There is no fixing it if you can't see what's wrong."
"I'm sorry." He grabbed her hand. "Look at me." She didn't. "Please just tell me what's wrong." She looked at him and shook his head.
"I just- it feels like you don't care about me anymore, Lucius. It's like I'm just here for convenience. Someone to cheer you on no matter what. Someone to keep the bed warm. I give and I give, but I don't get anything in return.
"I'm sorry, Vi. I-"
"When was the last time you came home after a late night at the studio and kissed me? Do you remember the last time you actually looked at me? Because lately, you've been looking through me. Like I'm not here."
"Vi, I- I don't know what to say."
"Exactly." Violet shook her head and laughed. "It's sad that I'm your wife, yet I get jealous of your fans. You hug them. Kiss their cheeks for a picture, but you won't even show your wife half of that affection. I'm your wife, Lucius. Your wife!"
"I know. You are my wife, but-"
"No. There shouldn't be any buts!" She pulled her hand from his grip and walked towards W 65th Street. Lucius watched her for a few seconds before following her. He didn't even understand why she was so angry.
"Vi! Violet." She had begun walking down the stairs beside Geffen Hall. "Come on! Let's talk." He tried to stop her.
"I don't want to talk anymore. I changed my mind."
"Come on, Vi." He pleaded, grabbing her hands in his, but she pulled away. "I'm sorry, Violet. I am, but I don't know what you want from me."
"I don't know!" She seemed to get more frustrated as she continued to descend the steps. She stopped and turned to look at him. "Things- they're just not working for us anymore." She took a deep breath. "I'm so annoyed I don't even know how to express how I feel anymore."
"I- I didn't even know you were having a hard time. Why didn't you say something sooner?" He asked.
"Because you've been pushing me to the side. You've been taking advantage of the fact that I'm always by your side no matter what. But I can't do it anymore. I know it makes me sound selfish, but I just want you to notice me. But you don't." She leaned on the concrete wall.
"What do you want me to do? How do I make things right?" He asked.
"I don't know. Stop putting everything before me. When we got married, we agreed to do this together, but I feel like I'm going through life alone."
"I'm sorry, Vi."
"The worst part is if I didn't bring it up tonight, you'd never realize. You didn't even know what you were doing. You've been too busy with your career." He stepped in front of her and grabbed her hands.
"No." She pulled away from him. "I just- I need you."
"You have me."
"I mean more than you being around. I need you emotionally. You're not here. I don't think you understand that." She looked at him. He backed away from her and took a deep breath.
"So what? You want me to put my career on hold for you? Is that what you want?"
"No. That is now what I want."
"Then what, Vi? What do you want from me? Tell me what I can do.'
"I don't know! There has been so much on my mind. I just- I think we need to take some time apart from each other."
"Like a separation?" Lucius looked at her.
"Yes. I think that's what's best for us right now."
"So what now?" Lucius asked, sitting on the concrete stairs. He looked up at Violet. "Now you're just going to leave and pretend the last four years never happened?"
"I just need some space." Turning her back to him, she began to walk away.
"I love you, Vi." She couldn't see his pained expression, but she heard his tone. She would have responded, but she needed to get away. She needed to clear her head. There was too much that happening and it was all happening too fast. She couldn't keep up anymore. She would spend the next few weeks with her best friend, Lena. And Lucius would continue performing, but it wouldn't be the same without her in the audience.
"Since you went away,
The days grow long,
And soon I'll hear
Old Winter's song,
But I miss you most of all,
My darling,
When autumn leaves,
Start to fall."
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